Whiskers on Kittens

Maria got it right in The Sound of Music- "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad."  This has become my 4 year old's favorite bedtime song, and as I was singing it to her last night, I reflected on the wisdom of the words.  

Recently, research has shown that being positive and grateful for the little things in life make you happier, and indeed, more successful. (see previous post). Rodgers & Hammerstein probably weren't thinking of neuroscience when they wrote the song in 1959, but its relevance to overall wellbeing can't be denied. 

Mindfulness and emotional intelligence play into the effectiveness of this strategy. When you practice mindfulness, you become aware of the moment to moment thoughts and emotions that play through your body in response to an event. When you find that moment between trigger and reaction, this is where choice comes in.  Maria chooses to think of her favorite things when the event of the moment (being bitten or stung by a nasty, for example) causes her to feel sad. And not only does she choose to think of her favorite things, she chooses simple things for which to be grateful- raindrops on roses, doorbells and sleighbells.  Schnitzel, for goodness-sake! 

These days, we tend to think that the next BIG thing is what will make us happy. The new job, house, car or big-screen TV.  It also tends to be about acquisition of something, rather than simple appreciation of the things that nature and the world already provide. The next, the next.  When will the NEXT really be enough?  

What if we practiced the simple wisdom of Maria- more gratitude for the simple joys of life?  Ice cream & moonbeams & cheese macaroni. Momo & kisses & hot minestrone?  Beautiful fairies with butterfly wings. These are a few of MY favorite things.  (And the new verse tailored just for my girls). 

Viktor Frankl said: "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and our happiness."

What do you choose to put in that space? 

Join the Gang

I ride a motorcycle. Or, more truthfully, I used to ride a motorcycle- before I had kids. I loved the freedom, the wind, the way the road looks totally different from the seat of a cruiser. But most of all, I loved the camaraderie. I joined an all-brand motocycle club when I first began riding and, along with my parents, each on their own cruisers, went on 100- mile weekend rides. I felt like I was part of a "gang".  Not the scary gang. But the one that created the rider mentality that connected each of us, no matter our stations in life.  Engineers, car mechanics, janitors, orthodontists, small business owners, yes, even lawyers.

Something awesome I learned when I started riding is that motorcyclists wave to each other. Not big wavy-waves (those aren't so good for balance).  But little hand gestures- a raised finger, a peace sign, a small salute. It was like an secret handshake, delivered as I passed by a fellow rider. It says, "we are connected, you and I, no matter what our individual circumstances."  It was an amazing feeling-knowing that if I got stuck on the side of the road with my bike down, I would not be there alone for long. I trusted that other bikers would look out for me and someone would stop to help.

Even during an accidental trip in the snow, I exchanged waves with a Vago (one of the more scary-type gang-members). It was an acknowledgement, of sorts. "You're crazy to be out in this, and so am I."

This feeling of connection is one I want everyone to know, and is what I hope to create with the Daily Altruist. A sense of belonging to the "gang"- we are in this together, you and I. And I salute you for the simple joy of connection.

Join the Gang.

Kindness is not just a "nice to have..."

...it's absolutely necessary.  

The Dalai Lama visited San Diego this week and aside from some traffic headaches, he brought his message of peace and compassion. This seems to be a most excellent time to launch the Daily Altruist.

The Dalai Lama asked, "What is the meaning of peace? Is it the absence of trouble or violence?"   His answer, "Going deeper into peace...genuine peace must come through inner peace, not through fear."  He continued, "the key thing", is a "warm heart of concern for others' well being."

This is the point of it all. Shared connection, a society built upon a foundation of care for each other. What would be possible if we each knew that others really CARED about our well-being? What would our political discourse be like? How would our workplaces be? How would driving on the freeways be different? 

I believe it can be different, MUST be better. Not an abdication of individual responsibility for self, nor a license to free-load. But a societal shift towards kindness and compassion. 
It starts one heart at a time. Try it on your heart and see how your possibility shifts. 

Train your brain to be happy

I just came across an amazing TEDx talk that articulates what I want to do and who I want to BE in the world- Positivity and Happiness. Which, of course, will lead to Peace.   Call me Polly-Anna, but it seems to me that peace and happiness are much better goals in life than drama and pain.


Shawn Achor, CEO of Good Think, Inc., explains the science behind positive psychology in a concise, funny and easy to understand way.  


There is LOGIC in the pursuit of HARMONY, don't you know. 


Achor states,  “[It’s] the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. And if we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness, we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time.” 


In coaching, we call this lens, your "context".   One of my goals as a coach is to challenge my client's "context", or "story".  My previous post talks about the context I had that everyone who criticized me hated me. Now that I see this as context, and not REALITY, I can choose to NOT use it any more.  I can CHOOSE to view the world through a different, more positive lens. 


What could be possible in your world if you choose to look through a different lens? Choose to have an optimistic view of people and events?  Choose to practice gratitude and kindness as a habit?  Come from a place of choice, not victim, and feel empowered.  

A daily infusion of kindness....

All ideas and successes welcome here! 
As long as they are about kindness and being nice.
Warmth and fuzzies.
Making someone feel good.
Lightening someone's load or day.
Sharing appreciation of someone who made YOUR day a little better.
For example, I have committed to waving thank you to every car that let's me merge in on the freeway.  Every day. So if you see a mom in a silver RAV4 waving thanks, that's me.  I think I'll start the peace sign today instead of the wave.  

Turning over the rock

In order to live the vision of the incredible, amazing life you want, first you have to define the vision. And to define the vision, you have to understand yourself. And to understand yourself, you have go THERE. You know where I mean. The soft squishy sore spot that you've avoided looking directly at your whole life. The one that has a whole story around it, as to why it's rational to be a certain way. And you have to really shine the sun on that story- look at it from an objective point of view. Turn it over and see where it came from, why it's there STILL, and whether it really serves you.

I know I have stories,and as part of my coach training program, I've had to really look at them.  It's sometimes painful, always scary.  But in the end it's so freeing to let them go. 

Here's an example of a story I've had my whole life:  I used to get upset when people criticized me. Like, really upset.  And I would always run away.  Many broken relationships litter my past due to this story.  My marriage almost broke because of this story. 

The story I had was that it was perfectly logical for me to feel really hurt every time someone criticized me- because I "knew" that it really meant that they didn't love me, or even like me. Or maybe they even hated me. So the story I made up here is that if someone found fault with anything I did, it was really just a tiny indication of the really huge-mongous issue they had with me. 

Where did this story come from?  Probably from my childhood when someone said something mean to me the first time. Maybe I was 5, or 6 when my friend told me that she didn't want to be my friend any more because I looked like a boy.  Maybe it was when I was 12 and Philip told me I had hippo hips. The point is I was 5. Or 6. Or even 12. I was not a full-grown adult with the cognitive abilities I now have, and I certainly didn't have the understanding that other people have their own stuff, and it's not not always about me. In fact, that it's most often NOT about me. 

So although this is improving, changing this story is still a work in progress, as makes sense for something that has lived for 35 years. AND the sun is shining on that soft squishy spot and is healing it. My commitment is to continue shining the light on that spot until it's totally healed, and part of that commitment is to share with you my story. 

So what's your story?