tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56899489099269821002024-03-05T23:53:38.821-08:00Mindful ClarityMusings on mindfulness, kindness, balance and the challenges of integrationAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08649168783940627313noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-38481982893379364932014-11-13T13:22:00.001-08:002014-11-18T10:10:30.229-08:00The Promotion<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I remember the day in 2007 I decided that I wouldn’t go for the
promotion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was 8+ years into a career
with Thomson Reuters and had been waiting for 2 years for this position to open
up, preparing myself mentally to take over the Regional Manager role.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had won several President’s Trip awards,
the highest award achievable for an Academic Account Manager and I was ready
for a new challenge. And I was 6 months pregnant. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What would it mean to take on TWO new jobs at the same time?
I had no idea, really. “Mother” was a job that I felt totally unprepared for,
even at 35.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I actually felt more
confident in my ability to be a good regional manager, taking on the
responsibility of 8 account managers, than I did for taking on the
responsibility for this one tiny new human. There were rules for managing those
8 people- at least the job description was pretty clear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this new human?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She didn’t come with a manual OR rules for successful
job achievement. And this new human wasn’t planning to shower me with accolades
and financial rewards, I was fairly certain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even the ingestion of 15 parenting books and 5 or 6 parenting blogs a
day couldn’t give me a clear indication of what being MOTHER was really going
to feel like for ME.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I agonized. I cried. I talked. And talked and talked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And cried some more. (I was in my third
trimester, after all). I just wasn’t
sure I’d be successful at taking on both of these new jobs at the same time. I knew that the regional manager role would
require quite a bit of travel, quite a lot of hours on the computer and phone,
and a lot of extraverted energy. I knew that pre-baby, I could have immersed
myself into the role and I would have KILLED it. But post-baby?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amidst sleepless nights, breast feeding, baby
puke and rocking, I just wasn’t so sure. Actually I was sure. I couldn’t do
both. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was raised to believe that I could do anything I wanted
when I grew up. A marine biologist,
psychologist, psychoneuroimmunologist (we made this one up at the time, but
apparently it has since become an actual thing.) President. Whatever I wanted.
And my mother’s generation fought for the right for me to be able to have this
option while at the same time being allowed to embrace femininity and have a
family. HAVE IT ALL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And then I ran smack into my own limitations. Mid-life
crisis at 35. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fortunately I realized these limitations before I made the mistake of trying to take on both
roles. I stepped away from competing for
the regional manager position because I recognized that I simply did not have
the energy to operate effectively in both roles. Sure I could have tried. I
could have muddled through and hired a nanny and a housecleaner, and not seen
my baby for weeks at a time. I could
have turned away from that tiny new human’s need for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But for that role- as MOM- I truly was the only person who could do that
job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were many others who could do
the job of Regional Manager, and my teammates would do just fine with any other
manager.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that tiny little girl
needed ME. So that is the promotion I took.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I still grieve a little over the loss of my professional
advancement opportunity at Thomson, even 7 years later. I ended up leaving the company altogether 9
months later because I wanted to give my all to this new job for a few
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I delivered another tiny new human
19 months later and then learned that the job description had again been
changed on me- Mom to two is entirely different than Mom of one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it still changes, almost daily. The
benefits of this job are less concrete, I get paid in hugs and smiles, lost
teeth and inches grown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the
management is often mercurial and arbitrary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But the role of MOM is the one that I will value most when I’m at the
end of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the end of the day,
that’s what is most important to me. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08649168783940627313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-54208458512468292312014-05-28T12:46:00.002-07:002014-05-28T12:48:09.674-07:00Choosing to Lead<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Good leadership. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thoughtful, visionary, compassionate, supportive, self-aware, trustworthy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">These are some of the words that participants in our first Mindful Leadership program tossed out when asked for qualities they see in excellent leaders they've known. But it took some time for everyone to dig in and find the right labels. Good leadership is something we can <i>feel- </i>in the heart and gut, but maybe we don't often stop to identify the actual qualities that generate these good feelings. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was much easier to apply negative labels. Arrogant, self-centered, demeaning, disrespectful, jerk, ego, insensitive, unaware, untrustworthy... This list was longer, more accessible and generated a lot of energy in the room as everyone's emotions became stirred with memories of upset and injustice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Interestingly, when we stopped to examine the traits that we, as leaders, aspire to achieve, and those that we wish for in our own leaders, we noticed that <i><b>mindfulness </b></i>underlies them all. Leaders who slow down to pay attention, who listen fully, who can see the big picture- all demonstrate mindfulness of the present moment. Whether they recognize this label as the foundation of their skill is questionable, but most certainly we, as those being led, we can feel it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Looking back at the other list, we noticed that underlying every single negative label was fear. And fear-driven behavior is most often mindless, because we are rarely aware of the fear, nor do we like to acknowledge that it is in control. Our habitual reactivity runs the show when we're being driven by fear- fear of failure, fear of looking bad, fear of making a bad decision. I'm reminded of "Otto" the autopilot in Wall-E, the Disney movie (a recent fan favorite in my house). Given its instructions 700 years ago by some terrified humans driven by fear, "Otto" insisted on continuing to follow that ancient protocol, even though contradicting evidence was right in front of it. A massive struggle commenced when the Captain of the ship, himself a creature of habit, realized that he had a choice to respond differently because he was human. He chose to Live. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This activity in our workshop confirmed to me that mindfulness training is increasingly important- in our leadership development programs and in development programs everywhere. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">At the root of human choice is awareness. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We do have the choice to live and lead according to that "good" list. But we can't choose if we don't see that there are options. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://rady.ucsd.edu/exec/open/mindful-leadership/index.html" target="_blank">Living Mindfully, Leading Mindfully</a></i> - a course through the UCSD Rady School of Management's Center for Executive Education - will be offered again in the Fall of 2014. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08649168783940627313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-60205834674563578232012-12-16T09:04:00.002-08:002012-12-16T09:05:13.019-08:00A Truly Mindful Workplace<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We launched the UC San Diego Workplace Initiatives program this past week via a post I submitted for the UCSD Center for Mindfulness blog. I am thrilled with the partnership and the possibilities!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You can read the entire blog <a href="http://ucsdcfm.wordpress.com/2012/12/11/the-truly-mindful-workplace-a-reality-whose-moment-is-arriving/" target="_blank">HERE.</a></span><br />
<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-47017929962792720202012-12-05T11:51:00.002-08:002014-11-13T13:37:48.001-08:00Mindful Clarity Launch<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Welcome to the launch/re-launch of Mindful Clarity. I have actually merged my two previous blogs (Logic & Harmony and The Daily Altruist) and imported them here. I don't post frequently enough to manage two blogs, much less three! And all of my various ventures blend together quite nicely- kindness, self-awareness and mindfulness in harmony to bring peace to the world! Because, as you may know, world peace IS my <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i>Life Purpose</i></span>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">So what is Mindful Clarity? I am revising my core business to incorporate my newly blossoming love of mindfulness meditation. </span><span style="font-size: small;">Mindful Clarity encompasses my coaching model, my consulting approach and also my determination to bring mindfulness to the world. It is the vehicle to offer mindfulness and self-awareness programs for schools and workplaces of all kinds. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">So much has transpired since I last posted about my then upcoming seminar, Life Skills for Lawyers. This class has begun and been completed, and I am extraordinarily grateful to the brave students who volunteered to participate in the small pilot of this program. Considering that most lawyers, being of the "Thinking" persuasion, likely pre-judged the seminar to be "fluffy", my students' commitment to themselves and their future-lawyer-selves was inspiring. Lawyers have such a challenge, in blending "normal" life and ideals with the demands of the job. They are paid to fight the fights of others as hired guns. And the difficulty of bringing passion and commitment to these fights, while remaining connected to the humanity of society is one which can break them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">My experience with the seminar, and the fruits of this initial effort are fodder for an entirely separate post. In the meantime, additional exciting opportunities have arisen that demand mention. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I have recently partnered with the University of California San Diego Center for Mindfulness (<a href="http://health.ucsd.edu/specialties/mindfulness/Pages/default.aspx" target="_blank">UCSD CFM</a>) as their Director of Workplace Initiatives,
to bring the expertise of their trained MBSR staff to offices through
workshops and multi-week programs. I am guest blogging for their site
and will shortly be officially made part
of their team. I intend to also further my integration by becoming
trained to teach Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction this summer, 2013. This training and partnership will allow me to not only coordinate workplace programs, but also participate as an instructor and facilitator. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I have additionally become part of a budding effort to bring mindfulness to the legal community in San Diego: </span></div>
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<li><span style="font-size: small;">I have written a post for the New Lawyer Division of the San Diego County Bar Association, found <a href="http://www.mindfulclarity.com/In-the-News.html" target="_blank">here</a>. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">I have published a similar article in the Cal Western Law School paper, the Commentary. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">I have begun the <a href="http://sandiegocontemplativelawyers.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">San Diego Contemplative Lawyers</a>, which is an effort to build a community of like-minded people from the legal field. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">I have developed and given a short talk on the benefits of mindfulness meditation, called "The Mindful Minute", to a few workplaces. (This talk is perfect for lunch and learns, by the way- contact me for details.)</span></li>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I have also conducted my first full Myers Briggs Type Indicator Workshop for a group of lovely law librarians in San Diego (SANDALL). The reviews made my heart warm- Click <a href="http://www.sandallnet.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/newsletter2012-15-2.pdf" target="_blank">here</a> to read them and scroll to page 9. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">So all in all, my non-full-time-independent-consultant career so far has been fun. And I have appreciated the ability to go on a field trip with my daughter's class, attend the Holiday programs for both my girls, and maintain sanity for a busy family. Another blog forthcoming on the challenges of mindfully balancing it all as a professional, mother and spouse, later. </span></div>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-59569816050834873982012-07-13T11:28:00.000-07:002014-05-20T21:24:15.157-07:00Back to school!!<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But this time, I'm the teacher! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />I taught in law schools for a long time, but as a vendor, teaching students how to use a product. This fall, I am officially an adjunct professor for one courageous and forward-thinking law school- <a href="http://www.cwsl.edu/" target="_blank">California Western School of Law</a>. And to make it even cooler, I am teaching a brand new, cutting-edge class, that I developed myself! (with a little help from a lot of friends) Please allow me to toot my own horn here for a moment, because this here is something that I am incredibly proud of. <br /><br />I get to teach law students how to be happier. What could possibly be more fulfilling? OK, it will also teach them to be more effective leaders, more productive lawyers and will likely increase their chances of becoming incredibly successful in the practice of law or wherever else they end up. But to me, those are side-benefits to the real reason I wanted to create this class, which is cultivating the conditions for World Peace. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />I know that this is somewhat of a lofty goal for the tiniest seed of a 10-week seminar including only 16 law students. But my goal is to make this a mandatory training program for all law students in every law school in the country.<br /><br />This course is called Life Skills for Lawyers. I will be teaching a combination of mindfulness meditation and emotional intelligence and will be using one of my favorite tools, the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI©). Here is the course description:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Life Skills for Lawyers is a course developed and taught by Christy Cassisa, Esq., an attorney, coach and certified Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">©</span>) Practitioner. This seminar will cover various tools and practices that will enhance and expand the student’s view of what it means to be a lawyer. We will explore aspects of mindfulness and emotional intelligence including self-awareness, managing emotions, motivating oneself, recognizing emotions in others, and handling relationships. Students will also learn about and take the MBTI© personality assessment, and will use this information to learn about natural variations in themselves and others. Students will also be introduced to several contemplative practices, such as mindfulness and meditation, to aid in stress reduction and increased concentration. We will also explore the natural consequences of incorporating mindful practices into our lives, such as increased empathy and ethics. Students will keep a journal and will be expected to discuss their thoughts and experiences in a confidential, open and non-judgmental way. </i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lucky students. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Classes of this sort have been taught at law schools all across the country, including Berkeley, Missouri, Miami, Florida- Levin, and many more. But this appears to be the first time a course has incorporated all three components into one course. I developed this course and proposed it in February of 2012. It was accepted by CWSL in March of 2012. <br /><br />Then something amazing happened. Google's Chade-Meng Tan released his book, <a href="http://www.siybook.com/">Search Inside Yourself</a>, on April 24. It was a road map for a course that was being taught at Google, and had been in place for more than 5 years. I incorporate the MBTI into my course, which is different than SIY, but essentially this book is has the same goal as I do. AND it has created a massive buzz around mindfulness and emotional intelligence in the business world, just in time for the launch of my class. Brilliant Minds... (Yes, I just compared myself to "Employee 100" of Google.) So now it's my turn to give a TED talk, meet the Dalai Lama, and be on the front cover of the NYT. <br /><br />In the meantime, I can't wait for September, and I am eager to meet the curious souls who will be undertaking this amazing opportunity. It is free and credit-free, which means that while they won't have to pay for it, neither will they receive course credit. But the skills they will learn will change their lives for the better forever. Guaranteed, or their money back.</span><br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-89786978472014726362012-06-19T14:34:00.000-07:002014-05-20T21:24:32.135-07:00The Gift of the Present Moment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am 4 weeks into an 8 week course called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, being offered by <a href="http://health.ucsd.edu/specialties/mindfulness/Pages/default.aspx" target="_blank">UC San Diego Extension</a>. This course was originally developed by Jon Kabat Zinn at <a href="http://www.umassmed.edu/Content.aspx?id=41254&amp;LinkIdentifier=id" target="_blank">UMass Medical Center</a> in 1979 as an effort to help people manage chronic pain and illness through the power of mindfulness, self-awareness and compassion. I am taking it in part to prepare for a class I am teaching this fall, and in part as a gift to myself. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I discovered mindfulness in the summer of 2010, almost a year after the birth of my second daughter. I was struggling- emotionally and physically- to recover from the sheer exhaustion of two babies in less than two years, the complete loss of my previous identify and the challenges of reinventing myself as a professional woman with an entirely new set of priorities. I had my first daughter at 35, my second at 36, and before kids (BK) I was able to maintain the facade of control that I thought was the main requirement for a successful life. As a lawyer and then academic account manager, BK, I could control my schedule, rely on my brain and feel confident that I would successfully GSD (Get Shit Done). With the onset of mommy-brain and the rigor of infant-driven schedules (insert laughter here), I no longer believed that I would GSD. In fact, I felt pretty sure that everyone on the planet could tell that I was no longer qualified to participate in the professional world. I was adrift, disconnected from myself and from the beauty of life. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Enter the happy discovery of a mindfulness retreat at <a href="http://www.zmc.org/" target="_blank">Yokoji Zen Mountain Center</a>, a buddhist monastery in the beautiful mountains of Idyllwild. The retreat was conducted by a skilled teacher, <a href="http://www.mindful-way.com/" target="_blank">Beth Mulligan</a>, and the entire weekend was about reconnecting with self through the tool of mindfulness. Simply paying attention to the breath- something that is always always present- in the present moment. Cultivating compassion for whatever the body is feeling, and being aware of whatever the mind is doing. That's all. So simple. Being ok with whatever IS, rather than trying to direct it. It was an introduction that likely saved my sanity. And it turns out, set the course for the rest of my life, as coach and teacher. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I attended the retreat again in 2011, and while I was in a much better place than the previous year, the gift of meditation was again that of a renewed spirit and refreshed body. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This past year has been an exercise in remembering to pay attention to the breath on a daily basis. For most of the year, I practiced mindfulness without the daily structure of a formal sitting practice, but with this class, I am committing to a daily practice. (Well, most days....) And it is a PRACTICE- I am far from perfect, but I am practicing.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So much <a href="http://www.umassmed.edu/Content.aspx?id=42426" target="_blank">research</a> has proven the physical and mental benefits of meditation, and the relatively new field of neuroscience is providing the language for explaining the whys and hows of these benefits. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am committing to this practice for myself, as a gift. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Here is the poem I wrote in August 2011 during my mindfulness retreat. It applies equally to a daily practice or a weekend retreat.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><i>The Gift</i></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">why am I here?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">simply a gift for myself</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">time and space</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">to just be</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">to rest, relax, recharge, refocus</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">be still, let go</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">let go of the million small hurts</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">let go of the fewer humongous ones</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the incidental, the inadvertent, the intentional</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">focus inward and be kind, be compassionate</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">acknowledge my fear, my guilt, my anger and sadness</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and let it go</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">find my joy, my peace and harmony, my pure soul</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and let it go</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what could ever be so important that I would allow it to taint this glorious life I've been given?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">meditation is the gift of myself, for myself</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>Every Day</b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">How many other gifts can you say are really truly free?</span>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-16419373433928227462012-05-16T16:11:00.000-07:002012-12-05T11:53:38.403-08:00There is no try. Do or do not.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I take issue with Yoda here in the absoluteness of this statement. In the context of kindness, ANY effort is better than none. And there is a balance between quality and quantity- sometimes small efforts over time are better than one big shabang. Sometimes nothing but the best will do because you only get one shot. </span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am trying my best to be kind whenever I can. I am conscious of the Daily Altruist sticker on my bumper and allow people to merge, and try to be an intelligent and kind driver on the road. I think about how I would feel if a reporter popped up and said, "SO, Daily Altruist, is THAT how you REALLY behave?" I want to walk the talk, be kind to change the world. But it is an acknowledgment of my humanity to confirm that there are days when I am distracted and not thinking about anything (other than the fact that my husband has recently inexplicably switched to decaf coffee.) There are times when I do in fact do something unkind, or stupid, something that inconveniences someone else, or hurts someone's feelings. I am not perfect- that's why this is the PRACTICING kindness blog. My "Do" is to Practice.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Last week was teacher appreciation week at my daughters' preschool. And let me tell you, I appreciate the HECK out of them. Shout out to Ms Sarah, Ms Claudia and Ms Rachel for taking such wonderful, amazing care of my girls, and for dealing so graciously with their 2 and 4 year old foibles. Especially re: poop and Momo. </span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But I had a major moment of insecurity last week. On Monday I was reminded that it was Teacher Appreciation Week. There was a note requesting "no sweets" on the bulletin board. OK, so no cookies. On Monday night, I sat down with my girls, who picked out beads for me to make into a simple bracelet for each teacher, with their name. I thought they were sweet and the girls "helped" so it was a mutual effort. We took them in with a flower for each teacher on Tuesday.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">On Thursday I took the girls in to school and noticed a gift for each of the 2 teachers in my 2 year old's classroom. Each gift consisted of 4 gift cards, totaling $125. Each. Ouch. I have to admit, if I were the teacher, $125 worth of gift cards would make MY day moreso than a bracelet- simple economics of a preschool teacher's budget. However, it made me cringe and feel guilt. </span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I wish I didn't still feel inadequate. I want her teachers to know that we appreciate them. I want them to know how much I care about them as people, in addition to their roles as teachers. So how do I share this with them, without breaking the bank? </span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Daily practice. This is where the frequency comes in as the alternative to the big shabang. Every day I look them in the eye when I pick up the girls and ask them authentically how the day was. I try to spend 2 minutes chatting to get to know them as people. If they need something, I try to help. If the school asks for volunteers, I will try to be there. Is this enough to outweigh the fabulous dinner they will have at Roy's? Maybe, maybe not. But it's what I have to give. And it's my practice- authentic kindness in MY way, not someone else's.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So much of life is a competition- practicing kindness should not be. DO Practice. </span>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-55044031166345548022012-05-02T12:40:00.000-07:002014-05-20T21:29:30.416-07:00Whiskers on Kittens<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Maria got it right in <a href="http://www.thesoundofmusiclondon.com/the-show/the-sound-of-music-legacy/" target="_blank">The Sound of Music</a>- "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad." </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This has become my 4 year old's favorite bedtime song, and as I was singing it to her last night, I reflected on the wisdom of the words. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Recently, research has shown that being positive and grateful for the little things in life make you happier, and indeed, more successful. (see previous <a href="http://logicandharmony.blogspot.com/2012/04/train-your-brain-to-be-happy.html" target="_blank">post</a>). Rodgers & Hammerstein probably weren't thinking of neuroscience when they wrote the song in 1959, but its relevance to overall wellbeing can't be denied. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Mindfulness and emotional intelligence play into the effectiveness of this strategy. When you practice mindfulness, you become aware of the moment to moment thoughts and emotions that play through your body in response to an event. When you find that moment between trigger and reaction, this is where choice comes in. Maria <b>chooses</b> to think of her favorite things when the event of the moment (being bitten or stung by a nasty, for example) causes her to feel sad. And not only does she choose to think of her favorite things, she chooses simple things for which to be grateful- raindrops on roses, doorbells and sleighbells. Schnitzel, for goodness-sake! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">These days, we tend to think that the next BIG thing is what will make us happy. The new job, house, car or big-screen TV. It also tends to be about acquisition of something, rather than simple appreciation of the things that nature and the world already provide. The next, the next. When will the NEXT really be enough? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What if we practiced the simple wisdom of Maria- more gratitude for the simple joys of life? Ice cream & moonbeams & cheese macaroni. Momo & kisses & hot minestrone? Beautiful fairies with butterfly wings. These are a few of MY favorite things. (And the new verse tailored just for my girls). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Viktor Frankl said: "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What do you choose to put in that space? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I ride a motorcycle. Or, more truthfully, I used to ride a motorcycle- before I had kids. I loved the freedom, the wind, the way the road looks totally different from the seat of a cruiser. But most of all, I loved the camaraderie. I joined an all-brand motocycle club when I first began riding and, along with my parents, each on their own cruisers, went on 100- mile weekend rides. I felt like I was part of a "gang". Not the scary gang. But the one that created the rider mentality that connected each of us, no matter our stations in life. Engineers, car mechanics, janitors, orthodontists, small business owners, yes, even lawyers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Something awesome I learned when I started riding is that motorcyclists wave to each other. Not big wavy-waves (those aren't so good for balance). But little hand gestures- a raised finger, a peace sign, a small salute. It was like an secret handshake, delivered as I passed by a fellow rider. It says, "we are connected, you and I, no matter what our individual circumstances." It was an amazing feeling-knowing that if I got stuck on the side of the road with my bike down, I would not be there alone for long. I trusted that other bikers would look out for me and someone would stop to help. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">Even during an accidental trip in the snow, I exchanged waves with a Vago (one of the more scary-type gang-members). It was an acknowledgement, of sorts. "You're crazy to be out in this, and so am I." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">This feeling of connection is one I want everyone to know, and is what I hope to create with the <a href="http://www.dailyaltruist.com/" target="_blank">Daily Altruist</a>. A sense of belonging to the "gang"- we are in this together, you and I. And I salute you for the simple joy of connection. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">Join the Gang. </span>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-75164371882471247072012-04-20T12:05:00.000-07:002014-11-13T13:34:22.369-08:00Kindness is not just a "nice to have..."<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>...it's absolutely necessary. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-schanes/the-dalai-lama-in-san-diego_b_1436297.html" target="_blank"> Dalai Lama</a> visited San Diego this week and aside from some traffic headaches, he brought his message of peace and compassion. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This seems to be a most excellent time to launch the Daily Altruist.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The Dalai Lama asked, "What is the meaning of peace? Is it the absence of trouble or violence?" </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">His answer, "Going deeper into peace...genuine peace must come through inner peace, not through fear." He continued, "the key thing", is a </span><i style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #990000;">"warm heart of concern for others' well being."</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This is the point of it all. Shared connection, a society built upon a foundation of care for each other. What would be possible if we each knew that others really CARED about our well-being? What would our political discourse be like? How would our workplaces be? How would driving on the freeways be different? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I believe it can be different, MUST be better. Not an abdication of individual responsibility for self, nor a license to free-load. But a societal shift towards kindness and compassion. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It starts one heart at a time. Try it on your heart and see how your possibility shifts. </span>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-81702696638423334232012-04-03T09:28:00.000-07:002012-12-05T11:53:38.414-08:00Train your brain to be happy<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I just came across an amazing TEDx talk that articulates what I want to do and who I want to BE in the world- Positivity and Happiness. Which, of course, will lead to Peace. Call me Polly-Anna, but it seems to me that peace and happiness are much better goals in life than drama and pain.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Shawn Achor, CEO of Good Think, Inc., explains the science behind positive psychology in a concise, funny and easy to understand way. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">There is LOGIC in the pursuit of HARMONY, don't you know. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Achor states, “[It’s] the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. And if we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness, we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time.” </span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In coaching, we call this lens, your "context". One of my goals as a coach is to challenge my client's "context", or "story". My previous post talks about the context I had that everyone who criticized me hated me. Now that I see this as context, and not REALITY, I can choose to NOT use it any more. I can CHOOSE to view the world through a different, more positive lens. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What could be possible in your world if you choose to look through a different lens? Choose to have an optimistic view of people and events? Choose to practice gratitude and kindness as a habit? Come from a place of choice, not victim, and feel empowered. </span><br /><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><br /><br /><object height="374" width="526"><param name="movie" value="http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf"> </param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /> <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/> <param name="wmode" value="transparent"> </param><param name="bgColor" value="#ffffff"> </param><param name="flashvars" value="vu=http://video.ted.com/talk/stream/2011X/Blank/ShawnAchor_2011X-320k.mp4&su=http://images.ted.com/images/ted/tedindex/embed-posters/ShawnAchor_2011X-embed.jpg&vw=512&vh=288&ap=0&ti=1344&lang=&introDuration=15330&adDuration=4000&postAdDuration=830&adKeys=talk=shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work;year=2011;theme=not_business_as_usual;theme=what_makes_us_happy;event=TEDxBloomington;tag=business;tag=happiness;tag=psychology;tag=science;&preAdTag=tconf.ted/embed;tile=1;sz=512x288;" /> <embed src="http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf" pluginspace="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" bgColor="#ffffff" width="526" height="374" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" flashvars="vu=http://video.ted.com/talk/stream/2011X/Blank/ShawnAchor_2011X-320k.mp4&su=http://images.ted.com/images/ted/tedindex/embed-posters/ShawnAchor_2011X-embed.jpg&vw=512&vh=288&ap=0&ti=1344&lang=&introDuration=15330&adDuration=4000&postAdDuration=830&adKeys=talk=shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work;year=2011;theme=not_business_as_usual;theme=what_makes_us_happy;event=TEDxBloomington;tag=business;tag=happiness;tag=psychology;tag=science;&preAdTag=tconf.ted/embed;tile=1;sz=512x288;"></embed></object><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-34579437912086618712012-03-30T14:35:00.000-07:002012-12-05T11:53:38.405-08:00A daily infusion of kindness....<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All ideas and successes welcome here! </span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As long as they are about kindness and being nice.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Warmth and fuzzies.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Making someone feel good.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Lightening someone's load or day.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sharing appreciation of someone who made YOUR day a little better.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For example, I have committed to waving thank you to every car that let's me merge in on the freeway. Every day. So if you see a mom in a silver RAV4 waving thanks, that's me. I think I'll start the peace sign today instead of the wave. </span>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689948909926982100.post-6707878989776671792012-03-29T10:05:00.000-07:002014-05-20T21:30:46.953-07:00Turning over the rock<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In order to live the vision of the incredible, amazing life you want, first you have to define the vision. And to define the vision, you have to understand yourself. And to understand yourself, you have go THERE. You know where I mean. The soft squishy sore spot that you've avoided looking directly at your whole life. The one that has a whole story around it, as to why it's rational to be a certain way. And you have to really shine the sun on that story- look at it from an objective point of view. Turn it over and see where it came from, why it's there STILL, and whether it really serves you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know I have stories,and as part of my coach training program, I've had to really look at them. It's sometimes painful, always scary. But in the end it's so freeing to let them go. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's an example of a story I've had my whole life: I used to get upset when people criticized me. Like, <b>really</b> upset. And I would always run away. Many broken relationships litter my past due to this story. My marriage almost broke because of this story. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The story I had was that it was perfectly logical for me to feel really hurt every time someone criticized me- because I "<i>knew"</i> that it really meant that they didn't love me, or even like me. Or maybe they even hated me. So the story I made up here is that if someone found fault with anything I did, it was really just a tiny indication of the really huge-mongous issue they had with me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Where did this story come from? Probably from my childhood when someone said something mean to me the first time. Maybe I was 5, or 6 when my friend told me that she didn't want to be my friend any more because I looked like a boy. Maybe it was when I was 12 and Philip told me I had hippo hips. The point is I was 5. Or 6. Or even 12. I was not a full-grown adult with the cognitive abilities I now have, and I certainly didn't have the understanding that other people have their own stuff, and it's not not always about me. In fact, that it's most often NOT about me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So although this is improving, changing this story is still a work in progress, as makes sense for something that has lived for 35 years. AND the sun is shining on that soft squishy spot and is healing it. My commitment is to continue shining the light on that spot until it's totally healed, and part of that commitment is to share with you my story. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what's your story? </span>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0