There is no try. Do or do not.

I take issue with Yoda here in the absoluteness of this statement. In the context of kindness, ANY effort is better than none. And there is a balance between quality and quantity- sometimes small efforts over time are better than one big shabang. Sometimes nothing but the best will do because you only get one shot. 


I am trying my best to be kind whenever I can. I am conscious of the Daily Altruist sticker on my bumper and allow people to merge, and try to be an intelligent and kind driver on the road. I think about how I would feel if a reporter popped up and said, "SO, Daily Altruist, is THAT how you REALLY behave?"  I want to walk the talk, be kind to change the world. But it is an acknowledgment of my humanity to confirm that there are days when I am distracted and not thinking about anything (other than the fact that my husband has recently inexplicably switched to decaf coffee.)  There are times when I do in fact do something unkind, or stupid, something that inconveniences someone else, or hurts someone's feelings. I am not perfect- that's why this is the PRACTICING kindness blog. My "Do" is to Practice.


Last week was teacher appreciation week at my daughters' preschool. And let me tell you, I appreciate the HECK out of them. Shout out to Ms Sarah, Ms Claudia and Ms Rachel for taking such wonderful, amazing care of my girls, and for dealing so graciously with their 2 and 4 year old foibles. Especially re: poop and Momo.  


But I had a major moment of insecurity last week. On Monday I was reminded that it was Teacher Appreciation Week. There was a note requesting "no sweets" on the bulletin board. OK, so no cookies. On Monday night, I sat down with my girls, who picked out beads for me to make into a simple bracelet for each teacher, with their name. I thought they were sweet and the girls "helped" so it was a mutual effort. We took them in with a flower for each teacher on Tuesday.


On Thursday I took the girls in to school and noticed a gift for each of the 2 teachers in my 2 year old's classroom.  Each gift consisted of 4 gift cards, totaling $125. Each. Ouch. I have to admit, if I were the teacher, $125 worth of gift cards would make MY day moreso than a bracelet- simple economics of a preschool teacher's budget. However, it made me cringe and feel guilt. 


I wish I didn't still feel inadequate. I want her teachers to know that we appreciate them. I want them to know how much I care about them as people, in addition to their roles as teachers. So how do I share this with them, without breaking the bank? 


Daily practice.  This is where the frequency comes in as the alternative to the big shabang. Every day I look them in the eye when I pick up the girls and ask them authentically how the day was. I try to spend 2 minutes chatting to get to know them as people. If they need something, I try to help. If the school asks for volunteers, I will try to be there. Is this enough to outweigh the fabulous dinner they will have at Roy's?  Maybe, maybe not. But it's what I have to give. And it's my practice- authentic kindness in MY way, not someone else's.


So much of life is a competition- practicing kindness should not be.  DO Practice. 

Whiskers on Kittens

Maria got it right in The Sound of Music- "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad."  This has become my 4 year old's favorite bedtime song, and as I was singing it to her last night, I reflected on the wisdom of the words.  

Recently, research has shown that being positive and grateful for the little things in life make you happier, and indeed, more successful. (see previous post). Rodgers & Hammerstein probably weren't thinking of neuroscience when they wrote the song in 1959, but its relevance to overall wellbeing can't be denied. 

Mindfulness and emotional intelligence play into the effectiveness of this strategy. When you practice mindfulness, you become aware of the moment to moment thoughts and emotions that play through your body in response to an event. When you find that moment between trigger and reaction, this is where choice comes in.  Maria chooses to think of her favorite things when the event of the moment (being bitten or stung by a nasty, for example) causes her to feel sad. And not only does she choose to think of her favorite things, she chooses simple things for which to be grateful- raindrops on roses, doorbells and sleighbells.  Schnitzel, for goodness-sake! 

These days, we tend to think that the next BIG thing is what will make us happy. The new job, house, car or big-screen TV.  It also tends to be about acquisition of something, rather than simple appreciation of the things that nature and the world already provide. The next, the next.  When will the NEXT really be enough?  

What if we practiced the simple wisdom of Maria- more gratitude for the simple joys of life?  Ice cream & moonbeams & cheese macaroni. Momo & kisses & hot minestrone?  Beautiful fairies with butterfly wings. These are a few of MY favorite things.  (And the new verse tailored just for my girls). 

Viktor Frankl said: "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and our happiness."

What do you choose to put in that space?